One of my all-time favorite slams "douchebag" is officially overused. It has been so watered down as to now mean absolutely nothing, except as a punchline. And thus I am placing a moratorium on the word "douchebag" and initiating a search for a new term. One that has all the bite and damnation that "douchebag" used to have before it became the top-ranking member of the pop-culture lexicon. Please feel free to send any new words that you would like entered for consideration, but please do not include terms like "douche nozzle" which are really just slight tweaks of the existing word.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
It's Official
Posted by The Artistic Mercenary™ at 3:49 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Superbugs in our food
Today's friendly reminder to know what's in your food (and go see "Food, Inc.") is brought to you by the superbug MRSA. According to this article MRSA is an antibiotic resistant form of Staph that is highly dangerous, and apparently very present in our food supply. Not only that but no one currently checks for it when inspecting the meat we buy. 
Posted by The Artistic Mercenary™ at 9:32 AM 0 comments Links to this post
Jon Minus Kate Plus a Fatty Blunt
Here are some pictures courtesy of The Superficial* of Jon Gosselin's super classy new girlfriend. Let this be a lesson to people out there. Women: When you are controlling bitches and your husband never tells you off (because he disguises his cowardice and fear of confrontation as being laid back), this is where your marriage is headed. Guys: When you don't communicate, and you never matured, and you just bottle things up and let them build, you end up leaving your family to go rooting through the trash.
Posted by The Artistic Mercenary™ at 7:54 AM 0 comments Links to this post
Monday, July 13, 2009
Beef Recall Due to E. coli
Today's friendly reminder to go see the documentary "Food, Inc." and start learning what it really is you're eating is brought to you by the E.S. Miller Packing Co., who has issued a recall on 219 pounds of ground beef products due to concerns it could be contaminated with E. coli 0157:H7. The beef had been distributed in north central and north eastern Illinois.
Posted by The Artistic Mercenary™ at 12:28 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Friday, July 10, 2009
MTF!!!!
What is MTF? Well, my dear readers it is Movie Trailer Friday, an e-mail I've been sending around to friends of mine for some time now. The decision has been made by corporate, and based on a suggestion from a friend, to move the MTF from the e-mail landscape to the Blog world. So enjoy, and feel free to leave a comment!
It's official. After the Ocean's movies and numerous self-parodying sketches I can safely say that Matt Damon is one hell of a comedic actor. And I think he'll shine here in Steven Soderbergh's comedy about a guy who wants to do the right thing, he's just not very bright. Soderbergh has assembled a great cast around Damon too, inclduing Scott Quantum-Leap-Into-Your-Pants Bakula, Joel Soupy Sales McHale, Melanie Underrated Comic Actress Lynskey, Patton Fat-and-Ocassionally-Funny Oswalt, and Tony "Buster Bluth" Hale.
Couples Retreat
Holy Casting Agent's Dream, Batman! This is one of those comedies where the casting is so good that it's too good. Like with a cast this great you worry that karma must destine this movie a turd. This bit hopeful comedy heaven includes Vince Vaughn, Jon Favreau, the terribly underrated Faizon Love, Jason Bateman, Kristin Davis, Malin Akerman ("The Heartbreak Kid," "Watchmen"), Kristen Bell, and seems to have a great cameo from the little Asian dude from "The Hangover" and MadTV. Hirarious.
The Stepfather
Here's a refresher course for Hollywood's take on families: it should be man and woman (unless it's a comedy), to be happy you should live in the suburbs, and you can't ever trust a new addition to your family or neighborhood (Disturbia, The 'Burbs), be it orphan, dog, or stepfather. Note to Hollywood: fear mongering doesn't keep families together...or straight for that matter. That being said here's The Stepfather, a thrilling yarn about...oh who am I kidding, it's a crappy-looking remake of a crappy film. This one stars Dylan Walsh in the role originated by Terry O'Quinn, and it also seems to star the exact same house used in Disturbia and Transformers. I guess the one thing this film has going for it is the complete absence of Shia LeBouf.
Five Minutes of Heaven
The latest when it suddenly seems to be a glut of films about Northern Ireland. This one stars Liam Neeson and James Nesbitt as two men living with the memories of the violence of Northern Ireland in the 80's, and how they cope with it. Looks intense.
Carriers
What may actually be a decent, if formulaic, horror. It's your run-of-the-mill situation: a horrible disease is wiping out the planet and we join a group of people trying to avoid the disease and stay alive. But what's more dangerous? The disease, or them? *dun duN DUN*! Stars Chris Pine, Piper Perabo and Christopher Meloni.
Inglorious Basterds
For your viewing pleasure I present to you the slightly more explanatory international trailer, with a little less Brad Pitt and a little more Mike Myers. Apparently The Love Guru played well in France.
The Answer Man
High brow, independent film meets formulaic romantic comedy. The result? Tenuous, at best. This comedic offering about a reclusive author finding love stars Jeff Daniels, Lauren "My Face Never Moves When I Talk" Graham, Lou Taylor Pucci, and Olivia "Juno's friend" Thirlby.
Evangelion 1.0
Japanese anime that has everything you want: good animation, bad English-language voice overs, religious overtones and the familiar Japanese theme of living on the brink of apocalypse. Hmm, wonder how in the world that theme came to be the culture's primary wrestling opponent? That's right, you can thank America for all the awesome things Japan has done since 1945. But will you want to thank us for this?
Posted by The Artistic Mercenary™ at 9:55 AM 0 comments Links to this post
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Seen It Yet?
Our diet is what provides our body with the ammunition it needs to fight off illness and disease. So what happens when our diet is the problem?
Posted by The Artistic Mercenary™ at 1:52 PM 0 comments Links to this post
The Wisdom at 30
Now that your dear old RumbleTronner has achieved the ripe old age of 30 I can tell you there are certain things I have learned. Little morsels of wisdom, if you will. Previously I dispensed advice freely and usually from the rear of my arse, but I'm 30 now and this is totally different, I assure you. Here now are 30 things I've learned, or at least think I've learned.
Posted by The Artistic Mercenary™ at 8:24 AM 2 comments Links to this post
Interesting Tidbit
25 minutes and 4 seconds before 1 PM today a neat little event will occur. The time will be 12:34:56 or 1-2-3-4-5-6 and the date is July 8, 2009 or 7-8-9.
Posted by The Artistic Mercenary™ at 8:22 AM 0 comments Links to this post
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
How to Spot a Douchebag #43
A douchebag is a person who gives tattoos a bad name and seems to mock their importance and permanence. They flood the world with tattoos thus lessening the meaning of inked skin for all, what a philosopher might refer to as the decay of meaning.

Posted by The Artistic Mercenary™ at 3:46 PM 0 comments Links to this post
X-Men: The Soap Opera
OK, so this relationship map confirms a few things. One, comic books really are melodramatic soap operas with explosions. And two, whomever created this has lots of free time and is either unemployed or EXTREMELY single. Hit the link above for the high-res version, or just check out the low-res version below.

Posted by The Artistic Mercenary™ at 3:39 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Odds and Ends But Mostly Odd, Part 1
If you live in Colorado you'd better not have a beef with beef, or say squat about squash. And you'd better not have a gripe with grapes. (That was my last one, I promise). Why? The reason is a state law concerning agriculture (§ 35-31-101). The law, in full, reads thusly:
Posted by The Artistic Mercenary™ at 1:18 PM 1 comments Links to this post
Monday, July 06, 2009
Energy Drink Recall
Heads up, if you drink your energy you may want to read this. Two energy drinks, Hardcore Energize Bullet drinks and New Whey liquid products, are being recalled by the FDA because of utility knife blades found inside them in an apparent case of tampering.
Posted by The Artistic Mercenary™ at 1:14 PM 0 comments Links to this post
The Start of Something
Short short fiction exercise #3
Posted by The Artistic Mercenary™ at 1:04 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Lose Weight the Easy Way!
What's the easy way? Is it the no-carb diet, the all-carb diet? Is it the 30-30, the Zone, the Atkins, the South Beach? Nope.
Posted by The Artistic Mercenary™ at 12:58 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Food, Inc.
"Food, Inc." is a documentary that may be hard for you to find. I don't have numbers for last week yet, but for the week of June 28th (movie weeks go Friday to Thursday) it was only playing on 75 screens. For purposes of comparison, when "The Hangover" opened it was playing on 3,269 screens. Don't get me wrong "The Hangover" is a hilarious movie, and I enjoyed it, but "Food, Inc." is an important movie. Possibly the most important film to come along in a very long time.
Posted by The Artistic Mercenary™ at 8:32 AM 1 comments Links to this post
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
One More Chance
The new video from Bloc Party. I still don't dig their new direction, I prefer their old stuff. But it's still pretty decent music.
Bloc Party - One More ChanceSource: MTV UK
Posted by The Artistic Mercenary™ at 2:21 PM 0 comments Links to this post








